Odds and Ends: 2011 so far

Hello. It's been a while since I last wrote something here. That was in early December. After that came the mad rush that was 'The Holidaze' and then after that was the month of January, famously my profession's busiest month of the year. So, most nights over the past month, I have arrived home from work tired and exhausted. hoping something on television could hold my interest for a bit, never even thinking about the energy required to write. I think that mood has passed though, and now I decided to post some musings on what has happened so far in 2011.

* On Sunday January 2, Eddie and I attended the Redskins season finale against the New York Giants. We had great upper level seats that gave you a full view of the field. As usual, the Skins found a way to lose a game that they could've won, but nonetheless, Eddie and I had a great time, despite the performance on the field and the fact that for the last hour of the game our limbs were complete blocks of ice/



I had a great time, and Eddie wants to do it again next season. We might, although I still believe that football is a game best watched on your couch with instant replay and a beverage in hand [that doesn't cost eight dollars]. We'll do it again, only next time, we'll shoot for September/October instead of January.

* I don't usually write here about work, but I want to take a second to state, for the record, that my boss is one of my favorite people, and that I truly admire and enjoy those whom I work with. This month has been crazy, as expected. The friends I work with help keep me sane and allow me to look forward to coming to work everyday to face whatever challenges may lay in wait.

*Keith Olbermann was fired by MSNBC. I'm still bummed about this and I really miss his show. I hope he lands somewhere soon.

* The Decemberists released a new album this month, 'The King Is Dead', and much to my dismay, it is currently number one on the Billboard Album Chart [The Top 200]. Congrats to them on a great album and on reaching #1! They are on tour right now, but so far no dates in Virginia. Hopefully when the weather warms up they add some more dates and I'll go see them.

* Speaking of shows and tours, I haven't seen any shows yet this year. Not really much out there that interests me at the moment. I am seeing both of Taylor Swift's shows in Atlanta in July, and I plan on seeing one of her shows in DC n August, but I'll write much more about that later. Eddie and I had talked about seeing Brad Paisley in Roanoke next month, but it's on a weekday, and it is a long drive for one show so, that idea never really got past the talking stage. Anyway, when I start seeing shows, I'll write about them here.

* One thing I have done several times this month is go to the movies, so here are some mini-reviews of what I have seen.

   True Grit -- Saw this New Year's Eve afternoon. Very enjoyable film. Jeff Bridges and Matt Damon get top billing, but the true star of this movie is Hailee Steinfeld, as Mattie Ross. I was thrilled when I read that she received an Oscar nom for her role. Much deserved. I'll be rooting for her.

   The Fighter -- Probably the most realistic depiction of boxing I've seen since Raging Bull. Christian Bale is a tour de force and is at times very tough to watch on screen. If you enjoy an underdog story without sap, this is a must see. Nicest surprise of this movie was seeing Melissa Leo [someone I enjoyed when I first saw her on the TV show 'Homicide: Life on the Street' in the early 1990s] be completely transformed into mom Alice Ward. Stellar cast and a fantastic story.

   The King's Speech -- OK, I am going out on a limb here and say that the cast and writers of this film will wear out a path between their Oscar seats and the podium come Oscar night. Colin Firth once again embodies a role so well that I forgot it was him onscreen. Some moviegoers are turned off by British films, and I really don't know why. This film has no explosions, no violence, no sex, but what is does have is a great script, a cast of A-List actors and, like The Fighter, it's a true story. A great film that I probably will see again before Oscar night, just because it is that good. Thanks to Dana and Annette for seeing this movie with me. The company helped make for a fantastic movie-going experience.

   Black Swan -- Whereas the other movies I mentioned are truly no-brainers when it comes to Oscar nods, Black Swan is something different. It is a very intense psychotic thriller that you are either going to love and never forget [that's how I feel] or you're truly not going to understand and wonder aloud why this film is up for eight Oscars [that's how the other eight people who were in the theatre when I saw the film felt, and their snickering and loud protests made their feelings no secret]. I was mesmerized by this disturbing portrayal by Natalie Portman of a dancer's battle with her inner demons. Those of you who know me know that I have liked Mila Kunis since I saw her on That 70s Show, and in this film, she leaves no doubt that she is going to be a breakout movie star. Black Swan is definitely not for everyone, but if you enjoy thrillers where the line between reality and madness is blurred, this is an unforgettable film.

So that's my 2011 so far. I'm looking forward to the Super Bowl, NASCAR and, above all Baseball Season. There will be more posts about those things in the weeks to come.

Thanks as always for reading.
Barry

Remembering The Beatles, John Lennon, and December 8

Author's Note: I originally told this story to a few friends in an email in November 1995 when The Beatles Anthology was airing on ABC Television. That email is nowhere to be found, so I decided to rewrite the tale here, with another fifteen years of nostalgia and hindsight.

In the summer of 1979, I was about to turn six years old. In my six year old world, there were a few very important things that my world focused on: First of course were my parents and brother Brian; second was the band KISS. Apart from food, the list pretty much stopped there. I discovered KISS two years before, and I listened to all of the KISS albums I had up to that point, almost on a daily basis.

Summers when I was young always involved my grandparents. My brother and I always spent a week with my father's parents while my mom and dad went on a small vacation of their own. My dad's parents, Bill and Ocie Hall were extremely active for seniors, so they took my brother [who was almost four in summer 1979] and my cousin Henry [two years older than me] on day trips to Yorktown, Jamestown and several trips to 'The Mall'. They did that last bit because my hometown of Staunton, Va didn't really have a mall yet, and I know Henry's home city of Amelia didn't have a mall in 1979. They may not have even had a mall in 1989 but I'm not sure.

So, we had a fun week every year with Grandma and Granddaddy Hall because we were almost always busy. So busy in fact that my brother and I didn't really have time to fight one another, something we used to do often when jockeying for space and attention.

Not as routinely, but usually for at least a few days every summer, my brother and I would spend time with my mother's parents, Ruby and Jon Vaden. Whereas my dad's parents were active, at this point in their lives, my mom's parents had become very sedentary. They had their routine, and it usually involved a very early dinner, and then the CBS Evening News with Walter Cronkite and that was followed by crime dramas. I remember Granddaddy Vaden liked Kojak, Columbo and the like.

What that meant for a soon to be six year old in a relatively large house with many bedrooms was that there was plenty of time to go exploring around the house, since my grandparents were going to be in the front room watching TV...and I knew even at that young age, that you did not dare interrupt Granddaddy Vaden while he was watching TV. Don't misunderstand, I loved both sets of grandparents dearly, but since my mom's parents were not nearly as active, it gave me an excuse to get into mischief.

One night that summer of 1979, I went upstairs in the house and went into what used to be my Aunt Dale's bedroom when she was a child. It was the bedroom that was designated as mine during these summer visits, and, it was obvious that not much had changed since Dale used it as a bedroom. This is where I made a truly life-changing discovery.

Keep in mind that, wherever I went, if I was going to be spending the night, I took along my record player and several albums and 45s. That summer, I was listening to KISS' latest record, Dynasty. I spent many hours listening and staring at this album cover:



While that record played in the background, I found a yellow round foot stool. Since it didn't have a back, I couldn't use it as a chair, even though I tried. Me being my normally clumsy self, I fell off the stool. I fell one way, the stool fell over on its side in the opposite direction. The fall didn't scare me, I was more than used to falling. What did surprise me though was that, when the stool fell, I heard something rattling around inside. So. the obvious next move was to remove the top --even though I didn't have anyone's permission to do so--to see what was inside.

Waiting inside this nondescript foot stool were about seven or eight 45s by this band called The Beatles. I had no idea who the band was, I didn't know the titles...all I knew was that in my hand was undiscovered music! The first single I picked up was 'Twist And Shout / There's A Place on the Tollie label. I put on 'Twist and Shout'. I picked it, if I'm being honest, because it had 'Shout' in the title, like one of my favorite KISS songs, 'Shout It Out Loud.'

As the needle dropped and the record spun, my world opened up, and my life changed forever.

I think I played Twist and Shout three or four times before turning the single over to listen to There's A Place, which is still one of my favorites. Before I go any further, here's a list of the singles that I found that evening. I think I have most of the A and B sides matched up right, but my memory may be wrong on some.

*Twist And Shout /There's A Place
*Please Please Me/ From Me To You
*I Want To Hold Your Hand/I Saw Her Standing There
*Help!/I'm Down
*Ticket To Ride/Yes It Is
*We Can Work It Out/Day Tripper
*Ballad of John and Yoko/Old Brown Shoe

These 45s were in pretty good shape, considering when I found them, some had been in a foot stool for 15 years. All of them had some pops and crackles, but none skipped. The only record that was warped badly was 'Ballad of John and Yoko' and that was okay. I was too young to know what the lyrics were describing and it wasn't as catchy on first listen as the songs I would later find out came to make up 'Beatlemania'. Some of the records had the letters 'DV' in pencil on the label, circled. That let me know that these records were my aunt Dale's, and she bought them when she was only just a few years older than I was at the moment I found them. Add to this the fact that, when I was all of three years old, she let me listen to her 'Frampton Comes Alive' and Steve Miller records and, it's no wonder she's always been the person I call 'My Cool Aunt', because as much as I love my other relatives, she really was the only older influence in my life that 'got' rock and roll, and I wanted to tap into that as much as possible. That understanding all came as I grew up. When I was that young though, she was just 'cool', and that needed no further explanation.

I played those records for the rest of my stay at grandma's, and I think she was just happy to hear something besides KISS coming from my temporary bedroom. On my last morning there, as I was awaiting my parents' arrival, I began packing up my record player and began stowing the Beatles 45s back in the foot stool. As I was doing this, grandma stuck her head in the bedroom and said, 'You know those records you found? You can take them home if you want. All they've been doing is sitting there for years. You can have 'em.'

I couldn't thank her fast enough. That small gesture remains one of the most important moments of my life, and one of the best 'gifts' anyone has ever bestowed upon me. I saw Granddaddy Vaden in the kitchen as I was getting ready to leave. I don't remember him being very talkative, but as I sat at the kitchen table with him that morning he said simply, 'I'm glad you like the records,' and left it at that. I know that I saw him again during Christmas 1979, but that's the last conversation that I have in my head. He died in April 1980.

When my parents arrived I couldn't wait to tell them about this new group I discovered, and please be careful taking the records because none of them have sleeves and please don't scratch them because they don't skip...

By this age of almost six, I was already a drummer, having started on my mom's kitchen pots and pans and by 1977 graduating to a paper drum kit. So, once Dad realized I was now into The Beatles, he called me Ringo for weeks. Once we got back home to Staunton that night, dad showed me a song book called 'Meet The Beatles.' It was a songbook for guitar and piano of The Beatles first US album, complete with pull out 'info cards and pictures' of the band, all still in tact and in near mint condition. Dad never used it because he played accordion and well, even he admitted that most of The Beatles stuff didn't sound that good on accordion. He gave me the book later that summer. It's still one of my prized possessions, and still in near mint condition.

I think for my birthday in September 1980, I got a vinyl copy of Rubber Soul [US Version]. Apart from that, The Beatles to me were still those six unwarped 45s, and, as singles go, that's a pretty great foundation to begin discovering a band. I wasn't really in a hurry to find out everything The Beatles did yet, I was happy with those songs and I loved those songs. I think my dad knew that as I got older, I would explore their music more in depth, but he didn't force it on me. It was a great, wonderful time.

My morning ritual in elementary school involved my mom coming in my room to wake me up, and then setting out my clothes for the school day. As I lifted my head to start my day on the morning of December 9, mom said quietly 'John Lennon was killed last night.' It didn't register at first, then she added, 'of The Beatles.'

That's when it felt like I had been slapped in the face.

I ran to my dresser and looked at the song book and pointed at his face on the songbook cover and asked 'That one? He's the one who...' Mom nodded so I didn't finish the sentence. I don't remember crying at that moment, but I do remember just wondering why.

When I got to school, everything seemed normal and so I fell into my routine. When you're in second grade, sometimes being able to forget is a nice attribute. It wasn't until lunch time, when the second and third graders went to the cafeteria, that the morning's news affected my school day. I remember seeing a teacher crying at her lunch table. I went up to her and without even saying hello I asked her, 'Are you crying because of The Beatle who was killed last night?' She looked up at me and said 'Yes, how do you know about The Beatles?' 'I have some of there records and I like them,' I said.

I'm sure that we said more to each other, but that's what I still remember. I remember feeling very grown up because I was one of the few who knew why most of the grown ups in my world were upset that day. It's a feeling I've never forgotten/

It's been thirty years since that day. That's hard to believe. Since that day, I've lost all my grandparents and my father. But there's something about that day, December 8, every year, that still feels like a slap in the face and, for a moment, I'm still that kid walking around the lunch room. Maybe it's because I was so young when it happened. I mean, the previous April I had been to my Granddaddy Vaden's funeral, but that loss didn't resonate with me simply because I was not old enough to 'get to know' my grandfather as more than just the man in the easy chair watching Kojak. But with John Lennon, I had heard his voice on record every day for fifteen months. I never knew him as a person, and I would always have the records, but the fact that he was now suddenly gone...that was probably my first lesson that not only old people die. Anyone can die, at any time.

I've seen the movies, read the books and of course bought all the records, so now I know a lot about John Lennon. On this anniversary, I will play his music, remember my grandparents, and remember the sheer euphoria of hearing that opening riff and Lennon's "Well shake it up baby now...' for the first time.

Very few moments in life will ever top that.

 In the summer of 1994, my mother and her family were going through my grandmother's estate. Aunt Dale and I were up in the bedroom where she used to sleep as a child, and where I discovered The Beatles through her 45s. She said out loud to no one as we were going through some boxes in a closet, 'Ya know, that foot stool over there...there used to be some records in there. I wonder whatever happened to them.'

'I have no idea Aunt Dale, I wish I did.'

Thanks for reading, and special thanks to Aunt Dale. I still have your records...and you can't have 'em back! ;)

'There are places I remember all my life, though some have changed...'

--Barry
12.07.10

Another Night Blog

I ask your indulgence in advance.

I think it's finally over. Meaning, I finally truly believe I am 'over' The Girl [first mentioned in this blog here and then more recently here.

Let me explain.

There was a time in the not too distant past when my world revolved around any sort of communication the two of us had. Even if it was an all too brief phone call, or a text message, or, on all too rare occasions, an actual visit. For a long while she was the fuel that ran my day. She probably never knew this, or at least she probably didn't know the extent of how often her face and voice were in the center of my thoughts.

She was, and still is, an incredible woman. That fact will never change. She just no longer spins my world, or sends me running to the phone when the message notification buzzer sounds off. I can now go weeks, even months without 'needing' to text her, or hear from her. Had someone told me that would happen as recent as Summer 2009, I would have never dreamed it was possible.

But it is.

The Girl sent me a text the other day, out of the blue. She's graduating in early December. And, if she happens to be reading this [which is highly unlikely, given her reaction to the only other piece of mine I know she's read], I want to say sincerely that she has earned any and all success that comes her way. She went back to school four years ago and now, after many long nights and nervous days, she's about to graduate. I mean it when I say that is an incredibly awesome feat and I am very proud of her, as I have always been.

I'm also proud of myself. This book is 'finally..no, really' closed for good. After many lessons learned and a few regrets, I'm happy to report that the bruised ego is healing and the wounds are beginning to scar over.

For all that it was, and all that it wasn't, I learned a hell of a whole lot. And, since I'm in a good mood, I'll close with a lyric that seems to sum up how I feel about all of it tonite: 'I'm the greatest lover that you never had, [and for that] I'm just about glad.'

Thanks for reading this, and to a few of you, thanks for listening to me talk...and talk...and talk about The Girl through the years. It meant a lot at the time, and it still does.

--Barry

Taylor Swift - Speak Now: A Fan's Review

Here again is my usual disclaimer I post when writing about Taylor Swift: I'm unabashedly, unashamedly a fan of Ms. Swift and her music. If you're searching for a truly objective critique of the new record, you probably won't find it here.

Okay, now onto the business at hand.

She had the top selling album of 2009, a completely sold out US tour and has spent the past two years seemingly in the full glare of the spotlight. But, through it all, Taylor Swift has remained the same person she was before this whirlwind of a career started. It's only been just over four years since she released her debut album at sixteen, and now she's a multi-platinum selling artist who's latest record has been touted by some writers as the one 'that will save the record industry' in terms of sales.

No pressure. No, really, she seems to feel no pressure, at least she doesn't show it.

Penning all fourteen songs herself, her songs deal with things that have happened to her over the last two years. So, naturally, there's a song about that little incident at last years MTV Video Music Awards, [Innocent], there's a song about her ex-boyfriend Taylor Lautner [Back To December] and  one that is a none too veiled kiss off to John Mayer [Dear John]. If you've followed the celebrity pages at all, then you know what Taylor's up to, and thus, you know what these songs are about. In her earlier songs, like 'Teardrops On My Guitar' or 'Hey Stephen' she would name names. Now she doesn't have to because everyone knows exactly who she's talking to, or about. Even if she won't admit it in an interview.

Yes, they're personal songs. But, the songs are not unrelatable for the listener. Everyone's lost at love, had to apologize to someone, been in a bad relationship; Swift just gets to do all of that [mostly] in the public eye.

Some in the country establishment have cried foul for years saying Taylor is anything but country. While it doesn't seem like she's trying to be a specific genre, 'Speak Now' does have two songs that probably sound more country than anything on her last multi-platinum effort, Fearless: 'Mean' and 'Never Grow Up.' Those acoustic gems are right alongside tunes like the disco flavored 'Story of Us' and the dreamlike soundscape that makes up what I consider the album's highlight, 'Enchanted'.

It could be a tricky situation for some, trying to grow up in the spotlight, with so many looking forward to what you have to say next. Swift has grown up a lot over the last two years and her maturity shines on this record, but nothing here sounds forced or calculated to be a hit [but who are we kidding? This album will be platinum in two weeks anyway!] Amid all the buzz this album has, the underlying fact is that the songs are strong and radio-ready.

With all of the music world watching and waiting on her, Swift has delivered a very personal, direct record that builds on the success of Fearless  without sounding like Fearless Part Two. Will this win her any new fans? Maybe. But it you're not a fan already, then you probably won't be.

That's okay. You'll be the one missing out on all the fun.

Taylor Swift -- Speak Now -- Big Machine Records: Highlights -- Back To December, Mine, Sparks Fly, Enchanted, Better Than Revenge.

--Barry

Read the story of how I became a Taylor Swift fan here
Read my reviews of Taylor's Fearless tour here and here

Roger Waters Presents The Wall @ Verizon Center, Washington DC, 10.10.10

There are concerts and live shows...and then there are events! Once I heard in June that former Pink Floyd member Roger Waters would be touring the US with a production of the classic Pink Floyd album 'The Wall', I knew this was going to be an event, and I knew I had to see it. 'The Wall' found me in tenth grade [the album first and soon after the film] and, to this day it remains one of my top 10 albums of all time. It's also really the only Pink Floyd album I can listen to and still enjoy. Nothing else in their catalog has stood the test of time for me or resonated with me like Waters' semi-autobiographical story set to music.

As far as Pink Floyd fans go, I know of none more dedicated and rabid than my friend Eddie. As sure as I knew I had to see the show, I knew that if anyone was going to find a way to see this event, it was going to be Eddie.

When tickets went onsale, we soon realized we weren't going to be able to afford floor seats, so we went with the upper concourse seats in the center. Most shows, this would be a 'bad' seat, but I guessed the production would be big enough to keep us interested despite the distance, and I was spot on.

As we found our seats at the front of our section, we were in fact dead center. Before us we saw the partially constructed 'Wall' and various 'bricks' strewn about the front of the stage. That's when it hit me that we were going to see a production very close in spirit and execution to the legendary 1980-81 tour that Pink Floyd mounted to support 'The Wall' when it was first released. I looked over at Eddie, smiled and said, 'This...is gonna be huge!'

The tickets said '8pm Prompt!' so I had figured the lights would go down by 8:05 or so. Not so much. Finally, around 8:20, a voice came over the PA and advised against flash photography, warned of strobes and explosions [like the 18,000+ fans didn't already know this show had explosions?], and then, while the houselights remained up, the sound of a TV changing channels was heard. Setting the mood for the insanity to come, bits of George Carlin's 'Seven Words You Can't Say on Television' and scenes from South Park played, along with other noise.

Eventually, the lights went down and then suddenly, their was a loud bang and the beginning of 'In The Flesh'. When that opening song ended with a 'plane crash' into the stage amid more flames and explosions, I knew my hunch that this was going to be an event was not misplaced. As opening numbers go, it was one of the best concert moments I will ever have.

The brief backstory about how The Wall came to be is this: As Floyd became a stadium band in the 1970's, Waters became disillusioned that some people were coming to see Floyd because the show was a party, and these people, in Roger's eyes, didn't care about the music or the band. He became alienated, though never as 'out there' as the lead character of The Wall. Add to that story line how the death of his father in World War II shaped Waters as a child, and you have the ingredients for an epic project of self-loathing and reawakening.

Not your average rock and roll show.

When Floyd toured in 1980-81, the band weren't getting along and in some of the recordings that were later released of the live show, it sounds like Waters truly is having a breakdown on stage. I can say now that, 30 years later, after the death of band mates Richard Wright and Syd Barrett over the last five years, it seems that Waters is in a better frame of mind concerning the intensely personal material that The Wall covers.

Early in the show, much to my surprise, Roger actually spoke to the audience. I didn't expect that at all, thinking he would 'stay in character' for the entire two-act show. Before performing 'Mother', he thanked the crowd and said he was pleased to 'see some old people here' who remembered the 1970s.

As each song was performed, more and more bricks were added to the wall. Another great 'once in a lifetime concert moment' was being part of the throng of voices screaming 'We don't need no education!' at the top of my lungs. That moment alone was worth the price of an overpriced upper concourse ticket.

At the end of 'Act One' [or record one], the wall is completely built, so literally all you see is a pristine white wall on stage, nothing else. Seeing the completed wall was quite impressive. Waters' original plan when putting together the show in 1980 was to play the entire second act behind the completed wall, just to see how people would react to watching bricks. Thankfully, Gilmour and company talked Roger into 'opening' the wall, having sections of it drop away to reveal set pieces, such as a hotel room chair and lamp for 'One of My Turns.'

The moment I will take away from the show though is actually a quote from a US President, Dwight Eisenhower. During one of my favorite moments of the show, 'Bring the Boys Back Home', while images of war victims flashed in quick succession on all parts of the wall, the following words were displayed, quickly yet slow enough to be able to comprehend and read what one was seeing amid the dizzying array of music, lights and spectacle: "Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired, represents, in the final analysis, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, who are cold and are not clothed."

There have been rumors of lip-syncing on this tour, and I admit there are some pretty convincing YouTube videos out there to back up the rumor. Truth be told, the only moment where I thought something may be pre-recorded was during the finale, 'The Trial.' Waters literally has to voice four different characters, with very distinct accents with hardly any extra time to take a breath. Even if the moment was partially on tape, that doesn't take away in the least from the spectacle of watching the wall come down at shows end, while the audience screamed 'Tear down the wall!'

The performance was at times nostalgic and chilling (especially when Waters shouted 'If I had my way, I'd have all of ya shot!! and sounded like he meant it), but above all it was uplifting. Maybe in the end, we're all, at one time or another, banging our hearts against some mad bugger's wall.

Thanks Eddie for a wonderful, once in a lifetime experience. I know this was a 'Bucket List' show for you, so I'm glad I got to see it with you.

And to the lovely Latina girl who grabbed my arm and held my gaze on the way out to the parking lot, 'I bet you could!'

--Barry

Wishing

I hate when I feel like this. No, wait...let me start again. I wish I didn't feel like this. It's a combination of things I know, that has me in this mood, and I swore I wasn't gonna write about it. Then tonite I said I would just write it in longhand and condemn it to a drawer in my room. But then, something told me I had to write this down so that it would be read by someone else besides myself.

I really wasn't going to write about this.

I find myself thinking about 'her' these days. And I really hate myself for that. I thought, no, I knew I was past this, over her, and done with all that 'we' were, and all that 'we' weren't.

Now, don't think for a second that this is really about 'her,' it's not. It's all about me, my head, my heart and...why can't I get past this??

Part of it is because my job currently has become a true, real challenge. Some days are better than others. Some days are far too long, and almost all days leave me drained and exhausted. I like my job, love the people I work with and most days, I feel that at least something was accomplished. It's just, when I come home after a ten hour work day, I wish I was coming home to someone who was mine. Someone who was my partner to lean on and  celebrate with.

Now, I don't live alone, and I love my mom like no one else, but I'm feeling very single at the moment. Ninety-eight percent of the time, I love being single, and I am fine with that 'relationship status'. But lately...I am yearning for that other piece of the puzzle.

Now, don't think that this means I want 'The Girl' that currently crosses my mind more than I will ever admit to you in public. I don't. In fact, if she showed up on my doorstep tomorrow and said she was 'willing to give this thing a try', I wouldn't be interested. I waited long enough, too long really, and she never ever really wanted to go that route. After years -- and I mean years -- of waiting for her to come to her senses, I'm done hoping that will ever happen.

What sent me into this mood?

She forgot my birthday.

Now, let me say that on my birthday, I had no less than 60 messages on Facebook from friends wishing me a Happy Birthday and, those were amazing. You, my friends, are amazing and you made my day great and made me smile. In fact, when midnite passed and it was 12:01am and no longer my birthday, I told myself it was no big deal and no surprise that she forgot. And it wasn't really. She's done it before.

It just stung. Really really stung.

She has said in the past that she wants to be friends. And I think that's part of the reason for my current mood. Even though part of me, even at my angriest, darkest times, will always love her, I know now for certain that I can't be just friends with her. Every time I see her, those unrequited feelings will bubble up to the surface, and I will manage to ruin an otherwise nice visit with a cutting, sarcastic but true remark, doing a half hearted attempt to mask my pain with humor.

In my most self confident moments, the song that sums up my current feelings about her is Elvis Costello's 'I Hope Your Happy Now.' If you don't know it, find it and listen to the words. They all ring true, and sometimes they ring too close to home.

Tonight though, the song that replays on my ipod and in my head is 'Wishing' by Sugarland.

'I've done everything I can to forget / If there is a way I ain't found it yet / I keep tellin' myself I'm movin' on / But I'm stumblin' / Believing my heart was strong enough / But now I'm wonderin' / Wishing I didn't love you anymore.'

But I do.

Thanks for indulging. Here's to tomorrow.

--Barry
09.29.10

15 Albums In 15 Minutes

This was a note posted by me tonite on Facebook. Decided to repost here in case you are not already my FB friend.


The rules: Don't take too long to think about it. Fifteen albums you've heard that will always stick with you. List the first fifteen you can recall in no more than fifteen minutes. Tag fifteen friends, including me, because I'm interested in seeing what albums my friends choose. (To do this, go to your Notes tab on your profile page. )


About my list: My boss tagged me in this note going around. This is being written late at night [or early in the morning, take your pick] so, that might color my choices. Songs/Albums are memories for me, so these choices are more about where I was when these albums found me than where they may rank on a 'Best of' list in a music publication. My own rule: An artist can only appear once.


1) KISS - Rock And Roll Over. The first LP I ever owned. Given as a birthday gift September 15, 1977. I turned four. I play this album in its entirity at least once a week. The cowbell in the intro of 'Calling Dr. Love' MADE me want to be a drummer. Maybe not their most known studio record [that's probably Destroyer] but it's the record that changed my life, literally forever. Plus...it ROCKS! I could write pages and pages about this album's influence on my life, but I'll spare you. My mom thought my KISS fandom would be a brief phase, like my temporary fascination with Legos. Thankfully, it wasn't. Ten songs that I can't imagine my life without; yes, even Peter Criss' 'Baby Driver' even though I still don't know what that song means. It doesn't matter.

2) The Cure - Pornography. The album arrived in 1982, but I didn't know it existed until 1991. The wailing guitars of 'One Hundred Years' with the opening lyical proclamation 'Doesn't matter if we all die!' hit me square in the eyes. The rising tide of chaos and noise that concludes the title track had me wondering what the hell was going on...and it made me hit the repeat button to listen to the whole wonderful, dark project again and again. If you want one record that defines 'Goth' with no apologies, this is the one.

3) Stevie Wonder - Songs In The Key Of Life. Heard this record as a young kid and wondered who 'Sir Duke' was. Some of the songs may go on a bit too long, and 'Contusion' sounds painfully dated, but this record rejuvenates me whenever I hear it.

4) Simon and Garfunkel - Bridge Over Troubled Water. This was always being played in my house when I was very young. In fact, I learned how to read around the age of two by reading the lyrics printed on the back jacket. I love every song on this record, and this record always reminds me of my dad.

5) The Beatles - Rubber Soul. Pick just ONE Beatles record? Impossible really, but...if I had to pick one it would be this one. In My Life is lyrical perfection and You Won't See Me is probably McCartney's best bass track ever. Seriously, go back and listen to that song and listen to the bass, it's unreal. And it's not like the other songs [Nowhere Man, Girl and Michelle to name but three] are throwaways either.

6) Nat King Cole Live at The Sands. This was released by Capitol soon after Cole's death. My mom bought a copy on vinyl because her father liked Nat King Cole. Somehow the record remained in the back of her collection for me to find one night in 1983. At the age of ten, this record was a revelation. A crooner wowing a Vegas crowd, back when 'Vegas' was VEGAS. No real hits on this record, but it's an incredible intimate performance. The record was on CD for a minute in the mid-80s but was out of print for decades. I saw an auction for a sealed CD [in the now defunct longbox that CDs used to be packaged in] on eBay in 2000 and figured I would get it cheap. Well, I apparently was not the only one who wanted this out of print disc. I won the auction...paying $62 for it. Worth every penny. [The CD is now back in print, so you can get it much cheaper!] Highlights: 'I Wish You Love' and 'Funny [Not Much]'

7) Elvis Costello & The Attractions - Armed Forces. Front to back, this album still sounds great. 'Radio, Radio', 'Oliver's Army', '(What's So Funny Bout) Peace Love and Understanding'...and those are just the songs you hear on the radio. Other songs like 'Two Little Hitlers', 'Chemistry Class' and 'Goon Squad' show Costello proving the pen is indeed mightier than the sword. Pick whatever label you like: Post punk, new wave...whatever, the songs are classic.

8) Green Day - American Idiot. I admit. I wrote Green Day off as relavent after that 'Time Of Your Life' song was featured in episodes of ER AND Seinfeld on the same night in 1999. In fact, my brother had to convince me to listen to American Idiot, and he played it while we were on a road trip. I was floored. I bought a copy for myself and I listened to it non stop for weeks. Huge in concept and scope but not without humor, this is one of my top five discs from the past decade.

9) Pink Floyd - The Wall. While we're on the subject of concept albums, this remains, truthfully, the only Pink Floyd album I like and can listen to. Not as trippy as the Syd Barrett stuff, nor as jammy and drawn out as parts of Dark Side and Wish You Were Here, this album is almost required listening in high school. And that's where it found me, my sophomore year, when I could identify with the isolation of the main character, even though I only wanted to identify with the Sex and Rock And Rol aspects of the album. I'd have to wait a while for that, but I go back to this album and, when I do, I'm fifteen and searching again.

10) Taylor Swift - Fearless. I've been listening to this one for over a year, almost on a daily basis. The pleading lyric of 'You Belong With Me' hit me when I first heard it. In fact, it hit so close to home that I felt compelled to find out what other songs Swift had written. Then, before I knew it, I was [and remain] an unabashed fan of her and her confessional-toned songs. I'm in my mid-30s, but when it comes to love, I sometimes still feel like a clumsy, gawky teenager. This CD is perfect for that mindset. Can't wait to see what she does as she grows up, and I hope I'll never become so jaded or cynical enough to not love this record and how it got me through a very dark time.

11) Barenaked Ladies - Maybe You Should Drive. This came out in the US on September 9, 1994. I remember because I was very ill in a hospital bed when I asked my dad to go to Plan 9 to buy it. Long story short, I was NPO in the hospital, which means I could not have anything by mouth. No food, water or even mouthwash. Music became my food and this CD was the one I played non-stop. 'Jane' is BNL's best moment on record and my fave song by them. Hard to believe it's been 16 years, but it still stands up very well today.

12) Wham! - Make It Big. I had this on cassette in 1984. When the cassette got destroyed by a tape deck in 1986 I was crushed. This was one of the first CDs I bought in 1987 and it's been with me ever since. Careless Whisper is the masterpiece here, but songs like 'Everything She Wants' and 'Like A Baby' give you a preview of what George Michael's solo career was going to be like...minus the car wrecks and men's rooms busts. What exactly did Andrew Ridgely do in this band anyway?

13) Prince and The Revolution - Purple Rain. No filler on this one at all. I don't care if it's 1984, 2010 or 2525, the solo at the end of Let's Go Crazy will always rock! Very radio friendly songs [title track and When Doves Cry] along side a ditty that led to the formation of the PMRC [Darling Nikki]. Prince was strange even at the height of his success, but this album's greatness can't be denied.

14) The Decemberists - Castaways and Cutouts. Released in 2002, this record became a mainstay in my CD player as I managed an indie rock band. Literate, intelligent lyrics with catchy pop melodies made this an instant favorite. It was their major label debut and the band has come a long way since then, but this is the disc I revisit the most. Highlights: Here I Dreamt I Was An Architecht', 'Grace Cathedral Hill' and 'July! July!' Looking back, I think I've seen this band live more than any other...at least 20 times.

15) Monty Python's Instant Record Collection. I found this 'Best Of' cassette at Peaches for $4.00 in 1987 soon after I moved to Richmond. Only knowing John Cleese from 'Fawlty Towers' I bought it because I saw his name. One listen through and I ran out to rent 'Monty Python and The Holy Grail' on VHS. This cassette led me to Monty Python and all of it's wonderful absurdity. Through this four dollar tape, I discovered the movies and television show and, my life was never the same.


There's my 15 albums. Tomorrow this list might be different.



Thanks for reading
Barry